blackberries, burning man, south pole frustrations, and sadness

blackberries

yesterday i did something that i haven’t done for a long time.  i walked the railroad tracks.  with each step i remembered how much i love abandoned rail lines and thought about building a handcar again – if only the plans weren’t $75.  besides the presence of beautiful flowers that are slowly breaking down the construction of man and the dry creek bed filled with amazing rocks, the tracks are lined with some of the most thick patches of blackberries.  and they are perfect this time of year.  so as i walked to the pub to read my book, i took about 15 minutes to sit quietly and eat berries until my hands were stained purple and my legs were bleeding from the thorns.  each time i thought i’d found the best berry, i’d see one just a bit further back.  as i felt the thorns cut my leg, i had to weigh how delicious i thought that berry would be versus how much pain i was willing to tolerate.  like i said, my hands were stained purple.

burning man

well, i think i’m going (august 24th/my birthday – september 2nd) for work.  so i get paid but don’t have to do that much.  i’m kind of excited to celebrate my quarter century birthday in the desert with a bunch of strange friends and friendly strangers.  you should come too – it’ll be fun. 

south pole frustrations

so with each day, i’m feeling less interested in going to antarctica.  this is mostly because i really like where i am now.  it truly is a once in a lifetime experience to have this job and live where i live.  antartica (despite the hangups that i’ve mentioned in previous posts) will be hiring the same number of people next year and i’ll be more qualified to do something that i actually enjoy doing/helps me learn.  but my growing disinterest is related to all the bullshit that they make you do in order to go.  peeing in cups, filling out lots of forms, taking online courses on information security, having to drive two hours round trip to do medical check-ups, and just putting up with pushy people.  right now i’m at about 85% sure i’m not going.  i’ll probably end up jumping through hoops so that i can still have the option to leave here when october comes.  but my life is really great right now – i’m very, very happy.  i guess it’s hard to understand if you’re not here. 

sadness

i had a feeling that it was inevitable – tonight i got a call that one of my guys that lived on my floor when i was an r.a. had died.  i’ve been thinking about it a lot.  another guy from the floor called as i was walking the train tracks again tonight (more berries and more reading at the pub) and told me.  we talked for awhile about all the good things we could remember (listening to boys 2 men, the same ratty t-shirt mike wore all the time, etc.) and i thought about people dying.  i realized that it’s only going to become more frequent as we get older – people die and that’s how it is.  i was sad – i still am.  but i realized that not only does the passing of time mean the passing of people, but it also means that you lose all the bad memories that you have of a person.  all i can remember are good things about mike and i hope that i can hang onto that for the rest of my life.  i suppose that is being successful – finding your happiness while leaving positive memories behind.  i thought about the part in waking ned divine where they are having the funeral for ned/michael.  most of it doesn’t apply to the michael i knew – we only knew each other for a couple semesters, but i think it’s still a great part. 

“michael o’sullivan was my great friend. but i don’t ever remember telling him that. the words that are spoken at a funeral are spoken too late for the man who is dead.  what a wonderful thing it would be to visit your own funeral. to sit at the front and hear what was said, maybe say a few things yourself. michael and i grew old together. but at times, when we laughed, we grew young. if he was here now, if he could hear what i say, i’d congratulate him on being a great man, and thank him for being a friend.”

wine bottles and my stars

everyday i think of a few things that i try to remember for these increasingly infrequent postings.  like i’ve already said, i don’t hang out with technology a lot these days.  so if i’ve been bad about e-mailing or calling or anything that involves me using something with buttons, i apologize.  here are a few things that i have remembered to write about.

since almost a year ago, i’ve been wanting to have my star charts read.  i can’t really say why – i suppose the best answer is that have good people in my life that have suggested it.  so when i norcal, do as the norcal do.  i had my “reading” done by a friend of a friend – an amazing woman named mary.  first of all, it was super informal.  no dark room with candles and silk curtains draped in dramatic ways.  mary and i just talked on the phone.  i have to say, it was awesome.  we talked about the connection between when and where i was born in relation to the celestial bodies and how that connects with my personality and experiences.  i don’t really want to type it out here – partially because it’s late and partially because i don’t want to dilute it’s meaning.  i suppose i want to say that my expectations were blown out of the water and i would recommend it to everyone.  i suppose that the moon controls the tides of the ocean and the cycles of women, why shouldn’t it and the other planets have profound effect on my trends and personality.  i tried to come into it in search of perspective, rather than in search of something to lean on.  i think that it’s dangerous to take what someone like mary says and run with it as truth.  it just sheds light on what you already knew.

i think the other great highlight recently was bottling wine.  for the last three months, my friend erik has been threating to have us up to his friend’s vineyard to help with some bottling.  i have been stoked since the beginning to do this and yesterday night was the night.  we helped for four hours at Le Vin Organic Mountaintop Vineyard.  last night was the bottling of a 2002 merlot (which means almost nothing to me – it all tastes like alcohol).  but it was a riot.  we jumped right in and all of us took a station.  some put nitrogen into the bottles, others filled the bottles with wine, others (me) put corks in, other applied labels and the foil cap, and finally others packed and loaded finished cases.  there was great music and amazing views from the vineyard.  everything was done by hand and each person had a small job that was critical.  i just thought it was cool that we each touched the bottle along the way and tried to stay focused (i was pretending i was a bootlegger the whole time since we were doing the bottling at night and in a barn way out in the country).  the owners made us really good food and filled our arms with wine as payment.  word on the street is that there is a pinot noir that needs bottling soon and we might be paid in more wine, olive oil, or money.  norcal is pretty fun.

there is heaps more, but i have sleep to catch.  tomorrow is a class all about wind power and i can’t wait!  love you all – i promise i’ll be in touch soon.

the milk-eyed mender

so here i am, listening to joanna newsom, trying to think of something to write about.  normally, i don’t just write a post to write a post.  there has to be some thought that i want to convey or bring people up to speed on.  i guess i’ll just do it bullet point by bullet point.

*  mostly, i’ve been working a lot.  this is kinda good because i really like where i work and work isn’t really work.  it’s some computer work, but mostly it doing fun stuff like working in the garden and the mini-farm, hanging out with the bees in the hive, helping with the natural building project or reading.  but it’s also a lot of time that i’m not doing non-work stuff.  there is a huge difference between working all the time while liking your job and not working so much while liking your job.  i guess i’ve noticed recently that the little things that normally keep me busy after work (cooking food, taking walks, building shit, reading, etc.) have been replaced with all things solar living institute.  i’m not sure how i feel about this – i like to learn so maybe i’m just trading old little things for new little things to keep me busy.  the simple fact is that now my work is my home.  the people i hang out with are who i’m technically in charge of.  it’s strange and it’s hard to connect with people on that level.  at least connect to a point that i’m happy.  i think that even if i weren’t their “boss,” i’d have a hard time connecting.  i was thinking about this the other day.  there are people in my life that i know and love tremendously.  these people are those that i want to hang out with all the time because i believe that they “get” me – even if it’s just a small amount.  although most of the people who read thing blog fall into this category (thus need no explaining), the most recent example is my new friend noah.  we first hung out at the permaculture first responder workshop at the SLI.  noah is best described as a bike-kid, anarcho-primitivist, heart-of-gold from oakland.  we got to talking about the impending collapse of our civilization and how excited we were to shed all the bullshit of our lives in the face of this human evolution.  it was nice because the conversation flowed really well – we hung out all weekend.  it’s funny that i am listening to joanna newsom because noah and i were talking about music after dinner and i told him that i wanted to play joanna for him just as he told me he wanted to show me her cd.  we actually said “joanna newsom” at the same time.  creeeeeepy.   the remainder of people are perfectly nice and lovely, but i always end up not really connecting with them.  so rather than think of things to talk about, i pretty much do my own thing.  that’s how most of my life is here.  i just haven’t connected with anyone.  it’s the only part that makes where i am not feel like home.

*  i almost bought a truck, but then didn’t.  since i’ve been here, my life has been contained within the 12 miles that connect the towns of hopland and ukiah.  i have no car and i hope it stays that way because cars are the figurehead of the sinking ship that is our current way of living.  i’ll call them a necessary evil because i am a product of this culture.  therefore, i’m drawn to travel.  i wanted a car to see what lies on the other side of of the mountain ranges to my east and my west.  i know the answer – some of the most beautiful mountains in the country and the pacific coast – but i want to see them and touch them.  also, it’s more to escape for a time.  i sent an e-mail to all of my co-workers to announce that i was in the market for an early-80s diesel truck, preferably small.  we have 100% biodiesel here so i thought it would be the less of the necessary evil.  enter jack into my life.  jack is crazy – medically.  he called the office about 3 days after my e-mail (he never read it) – his message spoke of sensing energy there that matched the energy of his truck.  he said he “had” to call.  so i give him a ring and experienced one of the craziest phone calls of my life – i wish i would have recorded the whole thing.  at the end of the conversation – jack decided that he was just going to bring the truck up to me to look at.  i wanted to be not talking to jack and hearing all about his plan to buy a kayak, equip it with solar panels, and paddle around the world.  jack shows up two days later and scares nearly everyone on site with crazy babble and i eventually meet him on the other side of the highway at his request.  the truck is awesome and i want to buy it.  but it’s too expensive.  jack is fully tweaking out as i look the bent rear bumper over.  he’s talking about how he’s off his meds and about to snap.  he has to get the truck off the trailer he drove it up on.  i don’t argue because i don’t want jack to try to stab me.  he told me he’d only sell it for $4500 – then he said he’s pay me $500 if i’d just take it – finally he told me that he’d take $4500 but give me $2000 back after i paid him.  it make no sense.  i find myself standing next to the truck, filled with jack’s shit, keys in hand as he speeds away.  my instructions are to drive the truck as much as i want – sell it if i wanted to – and wait for jack to call me about how much i could pay and when i wanted to go out for the steak dinner that he insisted we arrange (again, no talk of veganism for fear of being shanked).  i drive it – i like it – jack calls and accepts $1500 (d0wn from $4500) for the truck.  i think i have a nice little truck with a sleeper cab to adventure in.  two days again, while i was working on the oyster mushroom installation (bioremediation for the biodiesel pump), jack shows up – i assume to take my money for his solar powered kayak.  no.  he’s hitched up from 25 miles south .  he sold the car to someone else and asks for the keys.  i just give them to him and count myself lucky for getting rid of him from my life for time.  he tells me that he’s shown me the secret of my energy power (i had to promise not to tell anyone) and that he’ll remember me when he makes billions from reworking the interstates with a chain driven cable system (think rollercoaster being pulled up a hill, but for cars).  then he and the truck are gone.  so i almost bought a truck.

i’m sick of typing.  i’ll write more later when i’m not so impatient to read my new books on fruit trees.

here in california

well i made the leap – and after only partially looking.  after nearly a week of travel by bus, train, and other people’s car, i arrived at the solar living institute in hopland, california.  the trip was long, but awesome.  i’ll try to describe it in brief bursts of description:

the greyhound – the trip was long and filled with a lot of people that i had nothing in common with.  they talked about doing drugs, divorce court, and mainstream pop-culture.  mostly, i kept to myself by listening to music, reading by lamplight, and staring out the window.  the most memorable moment was when during a pee-break in kansas.  i walked into the bathroom to find a fella at the urinal and the one next to home open.  i have no problem peeing next to someone, even if there isn’t a divider wall.  as soon as a saddled up to go, the guy next to me – stinking of cigarettes and intolerance – immediately zipped up and announced to the crowd that has lined up to be on-deck that he couldn’t stand it when “mother-fuckers like this guy stand next to me when i’m trying to piss – i can’t go.”  i immediately started laughing and announced that it was ridiculous and that maybe he should use a stall.  this cemented my “mother-fucker” label for the rest of the trip – i normally wouldn’t have said anything but in that i’d never seen the guy before the bathroom, it was completely ridiculous.  i was also at least a foot taller than the guy and had him by about 20 pounds.   all and all, the bus was cramped, and i arrived in denver very tired.

denver:  was a lot of fun.  it snowed when we rolled into town.  i managed to ditch my bags in a paid locker so that i could roam freely before seattle-six picked me up at the bus station.  i love walking around cities – not really going anywhere, just exploring.  i rode the buses, bummed around the library (the only big city library that doesn’t have wireless!), art museum, and state history museum (the free parts).  i tried to tour the denver mint – but it was booked solid (i guess people are really hung up on staring at money).  i found a good burrito (with free wireless!) and an excellent bookstore (the tattered cover).  i walked away with a full belly and three magazines.

raytheon job fair:  eli, mere, morgan, marie, bookis, n8, and cedar picked me up around 7:15PM – nine hours after i arrived – and we rolled to centennial, colorado.  it was awesome to see everyone again – the last time was in january when i was in seattle for two weeks.  it made me miss old friends and made the thought of six months with minimal human contact seem daunting.  there was a hotel, some amazing indian food, some terrible diner hashbrowns, and a cramped ride to raytheon’s polar services office.  the job fair was about 90% standing in lines and 10% talking with people that were – in most cases – not actually the ones hiring people to go to antarctica.  most conversations were a realization that i was woefully underskilled.  however, i had a lot of success with the food services, housing services, supply depot, cargo handling, and waste management tables.  i liked the people and the jobs sounded bearable.  so far there has been two call backs:  production cook and materials-person.  i’m still holding out for the waste management job.  probably won’t get it, but ya never can tell.

boulder – was a blast.  the gang dropped me at the 26th street mall an i waited for savie to pick me up.  he did and we proceeded to get warm off bourbon before heading to a really expensive and not that impressive concert.  the highlight was getting a drink spilled on me by a really cute waitress.  i always am impressed by people that do light touch – they need to get by and they gently put their hand on your side or your shoulder.  i think its really strange that people are so freaked out by touch – its really quite nice.  the second day i walked around boulder to check it all out.  i had a nice chat with kitty – who has moved to boulder from bloomington a few months ago.  it was a beautiful day and boulder is a nice place to visit – but i certainly wouldn’t want to live there.  in the evening, we went to a truly fucked up party.  it was at a bouldering gym, which was really cool.  there was breakdancing, decent djs, and a fair number of people.  but there was also really “artsy” music:  noise music with girls reverse stripping (nearly naked to being overly clothed) and a guy with a canvas and a marker in the mouth making “art.”  i had to hand it to the girls for getting down in a room full of strangers – i never thought that getting dressed could be so damn sexy.  the rest was crap.  there was also a fashion show that was composed mostly of topless girls painted in various fashions.  so overall, there was a lot of nakedness.  but when combined with the odd lighting, noise music, and drunk people it seemed like a very strange movie.  i slept in the back of savie’s truck before getting up to catch the bus to denver and my train west.

the train – this was perhaps the best part of the entire trip.  the scenery was amazing: the rocky mountain passes, the high desert of utah and nevada, and the pines of the sierra nevada mountains.  it was also awesome because i could: get up and move around; lean my seat back quit a bit, extend the leg rest, and stretch out on the seat next to me (i slept really well); hang out in the observation car; eat vegan gardenburgers in the cafe; have diner in the dining car; and meet really cool people in the process.  however, by the second day i was ready to be in hopland.  it was getting tiresome to haul around my stuff and worry about it getting stolen.  my ipod disappeared in the shuffle, which sucks.  but i’m pretty much over it by now.

california – i got to hopland last tuesday after a night in martinez (home of j.muir), a bus ride north, and a wait at the co-op in ukiah.  so far it has been a range of emotions.  all and all – there has been very little introduction to the whole place.  kinda every person for themselves.  in a way, this has been really disappointing.  for the most part, the interns here aren’t interested in hanging out or getting to know one another.  this is partially because everyone is either newly arrived or soon to be departed.  i’ve been pushing communal meals via big pots of soup, trays of roasted potatoes and lots of fresh bread, but no one seems to want to go beyond just eating and leaving dirty dishes for someone (usually me) to clean up.  i’ve come to the early conclusion that i’m not interested in living communally with anyone but close friends and/or those who are interested in equal division of labor.  it’s frustrating, but i’ve been working to not let it piss me off.  by and large, i am stoked to be here – communal life or not.  the site is amazing: huge solar arrays that produce all the energy we need, amazing gardens that produce all the food we need, a nice big kitchen, and a workshop full of tools and wood.  i’ve been building a lot of projects (solar oven, supports for the rammed earth shower house that is going up in the village, planning for a solar drying rack and a bouldering wall).  this has kept me occupied.  however, it has been raining a lot.  my tent was leaking after two sold days of rain so i transferred my stuff to the communal yurt (round mongolian structure).  i stoked the fire and slept pretty damn well.  the mountains are beautiful here – especially in the morning when they are shrouded in mist.  i have a feeling that i’ll like living here a lot.  i also had a job interview on friday for a staff position with the solar living institute.  it was for intern coordinator (i told them i didn’t expect to get it – its hard to be chief when you just moved to the village).  but if on some off chance that i get it, it would put me in norcal for at least a year.  so if that happens, i’ll have to decide between antarctica and california.  the potential the learn an incredible amount is practically dripping from the trees here.  it’ll be a hard decision if i have to make it.

alright, the rain has let up and the sun is shining.  time to dry out my sleeping bag and plaster a few walls in the winter sleeping quarters!

contemplations of falling on the sword (alt title: ghosts and rideshares)

once again, i am amazed with craigslist.  since posting last week on the rideshare boards, i have gotten three e-mail offers with zero effort.  i’ve already explained the one from the fella heading to montana.  tonight i checked my e-mail and found two more offers waiting.  the first is from a “pro-Porsche” driver with two dogs driving from chicago to california this wednesday.   i can only assume that we’d be driving a porsche and  running drugs.  unfortunately that would be leaving too early and i’m only slightly sketched out by  the idea.  the second is the sweetest deal yet.   i hope i don’t jinx it by writing about out.  i got an e-mail from a woman living in southern california that wants her car in cincinnati to be driven out to her.  basically, i would get a ride to cincin and then drive west – and she said she would pay for gas, plus pay me for doing to drive.  so not only would i get to california, but i’d get paid to do so.  sweet, right?  fingers crossed on this one.  even if it doesn’t work out, i’m stoked to ride with the fella that is heading to montana.

sidenote:  i just remembered that i have a livejournal page that goes back to the summer of 2004.  i didn’t read a lot, but enough to see how far i’ve come since then.  it all seems so far away.  i hate that i’m so easily sentimental.

last night we tried to find a ghost.  we tried on friday night but couldn’t find shit.  so we drove around a lot and looked at some places that were “haunted” but would mean trespassing.  we didn’t see any ghosts and ended up getting a bit drunk at moe and johnny’s since kylene was working.  i woke up at noon on saturday and was disgusted with myself for sleeping late, smelling of cigarette smoke, and putting horrible shit into my body.  i decided to do some research so that the evening’s ghost hunt wouldn’t be a bust.  we found a place in pendelton that seemed easy to find.  so after going to wild oats to copy recipes out of their raw cookbooks (don’t judge), we ended up at kevin’s house.  we played some video games.  we ate some chips.  we got into the car around 11:00 and with the intention of arriving at the “cry baby bridge” at midnight.  supposedly, if you go to the bridge at midnight, shut off your car, and listen really hard you’ll hear the crying of a baby that was drowned there by her mother way back in the day.  to boot, the car is suppose to not start up after you hear the baby.  kevin had been there before, but left before midnight because jake (his dog) started flipping the shit and barking without consolation.  so i got my camera and a warmer jacket before going out to face this “baby ghost.”  i believe in the transfer of energy from one form to another (i.e. the energy that composes one person goes back into the area where they die and there is a possibility that this might cause coincidence), but i’m not entirely sold on spirits at this point in my life.  so i wasn’t that scared when we got to the bridge.  it was creepy, yes.  but it was a beautiful night – bowl of stars, quiet snow, no reason to be scared.  we stopped and i started taking pictures of basically nothing.  midnight came and went with no baby to be heard.  i even threw out some insults to see if i could get a rise out of any ghosts in the area (this works for the ocean – next time you want some really big waves, talk shit to the ocean.  compare it to a pond or how other oceans could kick its ass.  works like a charm).  the insults did nothing despite trying a couple more times to hear the ghost.  i was unimpressed, but maybe it would be scarier in the summer when the creek isn’t frozen.  i fell asleep in the car on the ride home and don’t remember the rest.  so there you go.  i bet buildings are much better for ghosts.  you can see if there are any around you by looking here.

an understanding of being open

today i was thinking while driving.  i’ve been driving a lot recently.  first of all i have to drive to work everyday.  second i have to drive to socialize (which is composed of climbing and searching out haunted bridges with my brother).  third it’s cold.  so i spend otherwise mind numbing time thinking about anything but driving.

i realized today that life is not about being right or wrong in your actions.  it is more about just being open to anything that may come your way.  of course this openness must be connected with a respect for other people (i.e. there are things that come your way that you shouldn’t be open to – such as hurting someone intentionally).  i’ve been really into zen practice recently.  i went to an open house of sorts in berkeley and listened to a dharma talk.  the zen master there told me that he loves when his wife does something that totally surprises him.  regardless of it is a surprise that he likes or dislikes, he explained that it reminds him of both how little he knows about a person he has been with for thirty plus years and how each person is capable of defying their past pattern of behavior at any moment.  he went on to explain that we know very little of the world in which we live – what is more is that what we do “know” is simple our perception of what appears before us.  thus, we should learn three things:  1.) know that what you know is simply an idea – what you perceive something to be – and that it is simply the tip of the iceberg; 2.) we have the ability to defy the systems that appear – emphasis on the word “appear” – to confine our actions to “who we are;” 3.) with the knowledge that we know very little about the world around us and that is only our interpretation of truth, we should always stay open to the situation and let the right path find us rather than searching so hard for where should be with circumstances or people.  real hippy shit, right?  but i believe this.

so we never know what we will find if we stay open to situations.  people that appear to be boring may become interesting because you are willing to receive them as they truly are.  situations will transpire without effort – people that you need to learn from will find you.  i went to catholic church for a very long time – nearly 19 years.  for a long time i was really down the catholicism, but then i realized that it was just a small part of the larger world – one that included the choice to or not to believe in a god.  i realized that my beliefs limited my openness to other strains of thoughts.  despite my disagreements with the secular catholic church, i learned a lot from my time within the institution and i am thankful for many of those lessons.  in particular, i remember one priest that repeatedly said: “if you always do what you always did, you’ll always get what you always got.”  i think that it is particularly true within this subject – if we think we know who we are, who those around us are, and what the situation in which we interact is, then we are limited to outcomes that are warranted within our formula for that situation.  the opposite would be let things be just as they are – no dressing up or down – and be open to what each should be as free from preconceived impressions or ideas.

i dunno.  it’s just a thought.  i’m glad i had it.  tomorrow i’m going to try to make soap and find a haunted bridge.  wish me luck!

don’t think twice – it’s alright…

it’s nice to be back on the blog horse after so long on the ground.  i guess i feel that it connects me with people – for the last two months i’ve been pretty bad about being in touch.  i just didn’t want to be in touch.  i can’t explain why.  i simply knew that i needed to not call, not write, not share.  this wasn’t the rule across the board – in fact i feel that i used that time to grow closer to people that i was present with, some old and some new.  but i think that i’m done with whatever i needed.  i feel better for taking that time to appreciate what it was to be silent and build one connection at a time.  i’m glad to be back here with what i can only assume to be a group of friends that care enough to take the time to read my thoughts.

while i was in berkeley ashley and i watched a positively wretched cinematic adaptation of james redfield’s celestine prophecy.  i originally read the book when i was about thirteen and remember bits and pieces of it.  overall, i remember it being a very powerful book though i wasn’t really at a point in my life where i could appreciate the deeper meaning.  despite the terrible acting, i remembered more and more about the book – specifically the idea that everything exists within a larger flow.  according to the book, we can choose to step into this flow or choose to fight the connection.  if we choose to “go with the flow” we will start to see that everything is moving us toward where we need to be – patterns emerge, help presents itself, coincidences start to seem anything but.  i started thinking this in relation to moving to california.  i tried to explain it to ashley as a completely effortless experience.  by coincidence, i read about the solar living institute in a late 90’s real goods catalogue and decided to apply after college.  by coincidence, i meet ashley (her dad started real goods and the institute).  by coincidence, i am fired at a time in my life when i needed to break away from feeling that my life was following a path i didn’t want to be on.  by coincidence i am able to travel to california, visit the institute, and be offered a seven month opportunity.  by “coincidence” fails to do justice.  it was effortless – i just flowed to where i felt i needed to be.  stemming from this has been the feeling that so much is falling into place.  eerie.

this was part of setup that took waaaay too long to explain.  to the matter at hand.  i recently blogged about my options for travelling west.  i’m pretty much not interested in flying.  no adventure.  horrible for the environment. completely impersonal.  i rang eli for a positively lovely chat last night.  we always talk for a lot longer than i expect to – that’s a good thing.  but the topic turned to my thoughts on moving my body west.  greasel was discussed, as was flying and training.  but the focus was on hitching or finding a rideshare most of that portion of the phone call.  eli suggested craig’s list as a place to start for a rideshare.  i had, up to that point, completely forgotten about craig’s list.  even more, i didn’t even know they did rideshare posts.  so after the conversation, i posted a ride needed listing for early april in indy, chi, and cincin.  this was around 12:30am.  i check my e-mail at work today around 11:00am and BOOM – i have a potential ride.  a fella my age is leaving from indy at the end of march to drive slowly toward montana.  he has plenty of room and would like some company.  he’s heading to live at an intentional community and is driving through denver around the time that i need to be there for the antarctica job fair!  he wants to drive back roads and take several days to get there.  awesome right.  so hopefully i can ride with him and possibly talk him into taking me to montana to check out this community.  then i’ll have to find a ride to california somehow.  coincidence…hmmmm.  (editing note:  i misspelled coincidence every time in this post – except for this one).

so i will probably need to find someone to stay with in denver for a bit.  if you know anyone let me know and i’ll probably really like you for the rest of my life.   until then, go with the flow.  me?  i’m going to play some chess.

gross…

and it’s been well over a month since any significant posting.  here it is and it will be disappointing most likely.  i’m back in noblesville for a bit – reveling in the zero degree weather.  the last month was a whirlwind tour of the west coast.  seattle, san francisco – both amazing.  so amazing that i think that my home will be in northern california from april to october.  i think (fingers crossed) that i scored a gig at the solar living institute.  many thanks to ms. schaeffer in this regard – i know i’m pretty cool, but i think my chances of getting an internship wouldn’t have been nearly as good without her good words.  many thanks to you crunchy.

so yes – hopland, california.  a bit small but positively bursting with opportunities.  not only will i be learning heaps and moving closer to my goal of an off the grid farm in an intentional village, but i’ll be exploring all that is northern california.  in no particular order, i want to: work at a bakery; learn how to pick grapes and make wine; celebrate a solstice; grow my hair and beard (can i call it that?) long; learn how to surf; sleep under the stars of yosemite for at least two weeks; eat 90% of my food from an organic garden; and learn to be a more present and emotionally aware person.

post hopland is under the “who knows?” category.  there is a lot floating around – antarctica; off-grid business ventures; graduate school; yada yada yada.  i feel pretty good at the moment by just living in the moment.  i’m working at my dad’s place to make some money before heading west.  i’d like to make my way by one of five ways, in descending order by desirability:  1.) convert a diesel to greasel/biodiesel; 2.) ride my bike; 3.) ship my stuff and hitchhike; 4.) take a train; 5.) fly.  the first two are going to require quite a bit of money and time to get ready by april.  i am short on both.  the third is exciting but uncertain.  i’ve never really hitchhiked and think it might be a bit scary.  i would probably have to carry some kind of protection and i’m not sure how i feel about that.  the fourth would be rad but again expensive – a quick check showed $240 as the approximate fare one-way.  flying is lame:  it makes my head hurt, it’s horrible for the environment, and it’s not really traveling.  but it’s cheap – a second quick check showed $89 one-way.  it’s hard to pass that up.  but i have some time to think.  i’m looking for a cheap diesel truck if you know anyone around indy that is trying to get rid of one.

to sum up the bulk of my travels, i’ll leave it at this:  seattle = wonderful to see old friends in new places + fly hotbox honeys + precious kittens and pups + solid air hockey and pinball + righteous snowshoe adventure with two amazing people + good vegan food/junk food + crazy weather + fun seattle sightseeing.  san fran/berkeley = solid introductions to amazing people + mass transit adventures + breathtaking redwoods + spiritual oranges with j. muir + wearing tread of shoes from miles and miles of san fran streets + delicious raw foods + wonderful bread + lost in the woods at night + hopland splendor + solar living anticipation + zen chased with yoga + deeper friendships.

love you all.  i’m in noblesville and would love to see as many folks as possible.  i’ve got several secret projects going right now and would dig some buddies.  until next time…

oh, my flickr is doing strange things so i’m holding off on uploading the rest of my travel photos.  eli, if you read this – it’s uploading all my photos at a very small size and with crap resolution.  mystery: i set my preferences to “do no resize” and my camera has been taking photos at the same resolution as it did before all of this jargon happened.  i’ll call you back soon and we can noodle it.

if you stand on them, you feel ten feet tall.

i’ve been thinking about the west coast a lot lately.  after all the bullshit that happened about three weeks ago, i feel that i’m in need of a cleansing experience.  sometimes when people break up with someone or are broken up with, they do something drastic to change their appearance (dye their hair, cut their hair off, pierce something).  i think that i need something to wash the slate clean and move on from what was a very disappointing past four months.   that and i really miss my friends – some of whom i won’t see for a while if i didn’t take a trip.  it’s all very ballpark rightnow and i’m not promising myself anything because i usually back down from anything that involves large sums of money.  here’s what i have so far:

– leave indy on january 9th for seattle.

– stay in seattle and visit/explore/eat donuts  until january 18th.

– leave seattle for san francisco

– stay in SFO and repeat the seattle thang until january 31st.

– fly home.

i found airfare for a total of $343.00 – that’s about $14 per day.  since i’m planning to really only pay for food and some entertainment out there, this isn’t so bad.  but i wanna hear some thoughts.  stupid? sound good? hello, cheese?

but the miracle is in motion – finding new places where we belong.

it’s funny that when i’m not feeling particularly inspired to write something that i can be motivated by reading other’s posts.  case in point, i read eli’s most recent post about working all the time and realized that i haven’t really been working at all these days.  it’s amazing to me how easy to do absolutely nothing when you don’t have to worry about paying rent or buying food.  though it is troubling to be so stagnant and dependent – even if just for a few days.  i’ve spent the last five years pretty much running full speed with projects, school, and personal goals while pretty much providing for myself.  i know that this is just temporary and that i should appreciate this as time off.  but i’m already growing restless for more after just five days.

not that i want another job nor do i want to go back to school.  i feel that these are just easy options that people go after because they help fill the day and forget about what truly brings happiness.  yes, they bring money and that is necessary.  but we only NEED so much money.  i’m looking into both for the future, but i’m looking into a lot of other things.  Approximately 15 to be exact:

1.) Going to Cuba this summer

2.) Hiking the Knobstone Trail in Southern Indiana this winter

3.) Making a chair

4.) Applying for a bunch of cool jobs in the environmental field

5.) Being a substitute teacher

6.) Working at my brother’s gear shop

7.) Learning to weld for fun and to help me get a job in at the south pole

8.) Fixing my bike, which is hurting

9.) Learning to knit

10.) Learning to play a stringed instrument or the piano

11.) Starting a photo project and learning Photoshop/Illustrator

12.) Learning Spanish

13.) Make plans to visit Seattle in the late spring/early summer

14.) Making plans to thru-hike the AT or the PCT

15.) Read at least three books a month, starting with The Long Emergency

All of this is motivated by the general sickness that I feel from just sitting around all day and watching movies.  It kills passion for life.  So as I said in the last post – come along if you’d like.