blackberries, burning man, south pole frustrations, and sadness

blackberries

yesterday i did something that i haven’t done for a long time.  i walked the railroad tracks.  with each step i remembered how much i love abandoned rail lines and thought about building a handcar again – if only the plans weren’t $75.  besides the presence of beautiful flowers that are slowly breaking down the construction of man and the dry creek bed filled with amazing rocks, the tracks are lined with some of the most thick patches of blackberries.  and they are perfect this time of year.  so as i walked to the pub to read my book, i took about 15 minutes to sit quietly and eat berries until my hands were stained purple and my legs were bleeding from the thorns.  each time i thought i’d found the best berry, i’d see one just a bit further back.  as i felt the thorns cut my leg, i had to weigh how delicious i thought that berry would be versus how much pain i was willing to tolerate.  like i said, my hands were stained purple.

burning man

well, i think i’m going (august 24th/my birthday – september 2nd) for work.  so i get paid but don’t have to do that much.  i’m kind of excited to celebrate my quarter century birthday in the desert with a bunch of strange friends and friendly strangers.  you should come too – it’ll be fun. 

south pole frustrations

so with each day, i’m feeling less interested in going to antarctica.  this is mostly because i really like where i am now.  it truly is a once in a lifetime experience to have this job and live where i live.  antartica (despite the hangups that i’ve mentioned in previous posts) will be hiring the same number of people next year and i’ll be more qualified to do something that i actually enjoy doing/helps me learn.  but my growing disinterest is related to all the bullshit that they make you do in order to go.  peeing in cups, filling out lots of forms, taking online courses on information security, having to drive two hours round trip to do medical check-ups, and just putting up with pushy people.  right now i’m at about 85% sure i’m not going.  i’ll probably end up jumping through hoops so that i can still have the option to leave here when october comes.  but my life is really great right now – i’m very, very happy.  i guess it’s hard to understand if you’re not here. 

sadness

i had a feeling that it was inevitable – tonight i got a call that one of my guys that lived on my floor when i was an r.a. had died.  i’ve been thinking about it a lot.  another guy from the floor called as i was walking the train tracks again tonight (more berries and more reading at the pub) and told me.  we talked for awhile about all the good things we could remember (listening to boys 2 men, the same ratty t-shirt mike wore all the time, etc.) and i thought about people dying.  i realized that it’s only going to become more frequent as we get older – people die and that’s how it is.  i was sad – i still am.  but i realized that not only does the passing of time mean the passing of people, but it also means that you lose all the bad memories that you have of a person.  all i can remember are good things about mike and i hope that i can hang onto that for the rest of my life.  i suppose that is being successful – finding your happiness while leaving positive memories behind.  i thought about the part in waking ned divine where they are having the funeral for ned/michael.  most of it doesn’t apply to the michael i knew – we only knew each other for a couple semesters, but i think it’s still a great part. 

“michael o’sullivan was my great friend. but i don’t ever remember telling him that. the words that are spoken at a funeral are spoken too late for the man who is dead.  what a wonderful thing it would be to visit your own funeral. to sit at the front and hear what was said, maybe say a few things yourself. michael and i grew old together. but at times, when we laughed, we grew young. if he was here now, if he could hear what i say, i’d congratulate him on being a great man, and thank him for being a friend.”

luna moth

i’m back in indiana for my brother’s wedding.  i’ve been here since tuesday morning and i’ll be here until july 3rd.  so far, it’s been strange.  good – but strange.

i’ve found that i recently have had moments of profound disorientation.  normally i wouldn’t notice these, but i also have recently had moments of profound inspiration and clarity.  it’s hard to know what sparks the former.  sometimes it’s just thinking about it all too much – how much has changed is such a short amount of time – the people that i’ve lost and/or met along the way – the sense of having so much out there but not knowing where any one path will lead.  i suppose life and it’s purpose isn’t meant to be fully grasped by a mind.  it’s somewhat like thinking about the universe – how there is no edge, yet there is also no center.  it is always expanding while deepening it’s connections to itself.  to try to understand these connections and make patterns of them would be futile and maddening.  hence the mantra of living in the moment and seeking happiness in being present.  i’m working on this, but it’s hard.

as for the latter, those sparks are easy to identify  – the way that the mendocino hills look at sunset (with the golden grass holding the sunlight like prisms on the coastal ranges) – the smell of an indiana summer night after a day of rain – the incredible opportunities that i experience each day – the humble appreciation for the simple things, like becoming really good at making my niece laugh hard and for teaching her to say my name – the luna moth that floated like a ghost around the work light tonight as i helped kevin upholster a seat for the wedding.

i’m assuming that these opposite experiences of connection and disconnection are normal.  but it’s certainly hard to have the latter these days of so much change – it makes you question a lot.  but i suppose the benefit is appreciating that we really don’t know anything about the world, about all which it contains, and about our role within it.  this is all most likely dreadfully boring – it was on my mind because i was feeling that disconnect.  but now it’s time for tea and bed.

bullets and blades.

so this weekend i’m working for my dad at the indianapolis log home show.  i’ve never worked a show before, but i’m kinda excited to pretend like i know what i’m talking about.  plus i get paid to hopefully learn more about what it takes to build a cabin.  but that’s neither here nor there.  i found out today that in the next building over will be the indianapolis gun and knife show and i’m increasingly more excited.  i don’t own a gun, nor to a intend to in the future.  i’m excited because of how crazy i expect the place to be.  it will be a COMPLETELY new experience.  i’m hoping i can get in for free because i’m working the log home show.  word on the street is that there will be a person there actually making a gun – gunsmithing to be technical.  this sounds awesome.  the last log home show i was at (my brothers were working a booth) was in chicago and there was a magic tournament.  for those of you who don’t know, magic is a totally nerdtastic card game akin to dungeons and dragons.  i checked that one out for free and it was crazy.  those in attendance were totally in their element – t-shirts, hats, briefcases full of cards, the works.  i can only hope that the culture of guns and knives will be just as astounding.  here’s to not getting shot or stabbed at the 2007 Indy 1500 Gun & Knife Show!

TREBUCHET!

so there was a point in my life where i was, well, a gamer.  i’ve drifted away from that in the past several years, but i still look back fondly on the hours upon hours i spent inside the game.  mostly i played games that would let me nerd out on history while entertaining myself.  to this end, age of empires II rocked.  i colonized the shit out of the ancient world and learned all about waging historic warfare.  one of my favorite aspects of this was the trebuchet.  this machine is akin to a catapult – long arm that throws large, heavy things a long distance.  but the key to a trebuchet is that it uses a counterweight for all of its force.  the weight is attached to one end of the throwing arm and whatever you want to throw is attached to the other end via a long rope and sling.  you then simply lift the weight by pulling the arm back, loading the sling, and let go.  the result, a large piece of something thrown very far.

so since playing with these machines in game form, i’ve been bent on making one in real life.  there are various designs on the internet for various sizes ranging from tabletop to massive.  they are deceptively simple.  basically, it’s physics.  i don’t know about you, but i only got about 60% of my high school physics class.  if it wasn’t for tyler beem, i probably would have gotten much less.  in that the weather was nice and my brothers were around, we set about building one this weekend.  yesterday, eric and i printed off some directions and then promptly ignored them for our own approach.  the result:  a five and a half foot trebuchet with an 8 foot throwing arm of cedar logs and 200lb+ counter weight of old bulldozer gears/brake rotors.  kevin help with the final touches.  it looks pretty much awesome, but needs some work.  last night it didn’t throw all that far (i could throw farther) and today we put so much weight on it that the metal support beams bent.

i’ll keep you up on the medieval mass destruction as it develops (including pictures).  what’s next?  maybe a cannon.  fingers crossed!

every morning…

so when i was in wisconsin, i bought a gym membership and it was totally worth it. i had access to a pool, a hot tub, a sauna, racquetball courts, and a free trainer. i found that the more that i worked out, the more that i ate and the more protein crave i encountered. makes sense, yeah? so i solved the problem via smoothies with brown rice protein. they were simple: o.j., bananas, soy milk, and rice protein. not pretty, but it got the job done.

skip to california. at ashley’s dad’s place, i had a green drink. this involved: kale, almonds, green apples, and flax (probably more things, but i wasn’t really paying attention). i do remember feeling awesome all day after i had one. so now that i’m back home and in a rhythm, i can go to the gym (with a free pass via an old friend!) again and have found myself looking for a way to eat well and get protein. i find myself working out four times a week and climbing the days in between (well, in a perfect world…). so here is the drink i have been making every morning – i love it.

• 1/2 avocado
• 1 apple, sliced
• 1 banana
• 1 stem kale, chopped
• 2 cups orange juice
• 2 cups apple juice
• 1 cup soymilk or soy yogurt
• 2 tablespoons cold-pressed flax oil
• 1/3 cup raw walnuts
• 1/3 cup raw sunflower seeds
• 4 tablespoons brown rice protein

this will make a lot of smoothie so think about storing it for enjoyment throughout the day. i have a glass and put the rest in a metal canteen to drink at work. i change the proportions every time based on what is available (i.e. i just made up the proportions for this post). unless you have a bad-ass vita-mix blender, you’ll have to adjust the liquid so that a regular blender can handle it. i use a really basic blender and it handles it just fine – as long as i add more liquid to loosen it up. if it binds, you can do one of two things: work it with a spoon and use the ice crush mode to break it up; or throw the dry ingredients in a processor before going into the blender (but this just makes it more difficult/messy and, thus, less suitable for a regular drink). like any recipes, just make it your own.

i swear i’ll chill out on the recipes sooner or leater.  cheers!

domesticity.

in my ongoing quest to make myself as appealing as possible to potential sugar-mommas, i spent most of day at home doing home-like things.  mostly i cooked and read about making soap.  i’m pretty excited about the latter – there is a lot to learn, but hopefully it will yield the beauty of something i made and something that i could sell if money was short.  the book i am reading (the natural soap book: making herbal and vegetable-based soaps by susan miller cavitch) is really good.  rather than giving me what i want right off the bat (i.e. making soap), the book is making me read all about oils (e.g. avocado, coconut, etc.), essential oils, and the history of soap first.  being obsessive-compulsive, i can’t just skip to the recipe section and have to wade through the soap-making background.  but i’m really enjoying it.  the book is published by the same people that published my rootbeer making book.  same basic setup which i have come to love.  so yeah, hopefuly by cali i’ll be a soapmaker.  i’m planning to make 12-pounds of the stuff before i leave so maybe i’ll send you a bar when it’s done.

cooking-wise, i macgyvered some rockin chili from the contents of the cupboard and fridge.  it was the perfect level of spice – sharp, but not a lasting burn.  i was definitely sweating.  i also made an experimental batch of raw crackers (italian herb) and raw granola bars.  i’m for real excited to try both.  i put up the granola bar recipe if it works out.  it’s pretty cheap to make and it seems to be a tasty result.

poop

it’s nice to have an opportunity to do something new. today i changed my first dirty diaper in history. not a big deal to some, but a big deal to me. wednesdays are yoga night for my mom and kelly, so – if eric is out of town – it’s up to my dad and i to occupy dorothy for two hours. d day is the first baby i’ve ever really interacted with and i’ve been happy to find myself excited to hang out with her more and more each wednesday. today we had a bit of a melt down. the words “bye-bye mommy” came out of our mouths when d day asked about kelly. for the record, those words were the wrong answer to a twelve month old. it was about the most pitiful crying while leaning on the front door you could imagine. so we took evasive action. we played the tape player and danced – we got out the juice bottle – we even tried the old banana cookie/flashlight double whammy. nothing. when i picked d day up for a little uncle comfort, i realized that my worst fear had come true – a wet diaper on a crying child with only myself to look to for a solution. so i went for it and it was gross. but i was proud that i only slightly gagged at baby poo and i was impressed that d day actually stopped crying and started laughing, presumably at my bumblings with a hippy cloth diaper. i was also way impressed by kids clothes and wondered why we wear what we wear. i’ve had to put on enough dress shirts to want to swear them off forever. so i’m proposing a reversion to kid style clothes. for example, dorothy had a sleep suit (ya know – with the feet built in) and had a zipper that ran from just above the right ankle, up the leg, up the chest and ended at the neck with a snap. all i’m saying is that such ideas shouldn’t be limited to people, like babies, who can’t really appreciate the convenience of the all-in-one garment – shoes, pants, and a shirt all together with one zipper. anywho, back to the point. dirty diapers weren’t all that bad and the whole experience made me feel like i could actually have children and not kill them.

p.s. so do you think they’re going to find a bunch of gas on the island for hurley’s van to run on? that whole part of the story was crap. i mean, a van…c’mon. poor episode.

he has all these souls, but he has not my number…

the last post got me thinking: i have a lot of recipes that are just floating around. some are in books that i have – others are scribbled on notecards – the rest are lost forever. in an effort to get more organized, as well as cut down on what i am hauling west, i downloaded a program for mac called measuring cup and have begun the painstaking process of organizing my recipes. it seems pretty straightforward and easy to use (freeware to boot!). you can search, categorize, and print/PDF recipes for others. let’s see how it pans out.

so as i go into this culinary masochism, i ask that you post up your best of the best recipes as comments. i would love to pack your favorite foods into my collection and give them a whirl. not veggie or vegan? no worries – i’m pretty good at subbing animal products out of a recipe. no fooling on this one – i wanna see your stuff! i hope to keep a running list of my recipes on here so that you can browse – i’m happy to share what i got.

four recipes with love

i wanted to write something really meaningful tonight. unfortunately, it’s simply not there at the moment. in the past, i would have forced myself to do it just even when it didn’t feel right. but no longer. things these days have been hallmarked by that approach. if i don’t feel something – i mean really “feel” it – i just leave it be and move on to something else. this has been true for romance, jobs, and – well – blogs. so i’ll pacify your burning desire for a slice of my life with four recipes that i have really been loving recently: hummus, lentils, quick spelt bread, and raw crackers. i just guessed with a lot of the ingredient amounts – i believe in cooking from the hip. put in more or less of what you like or don’t like. it’s all about trying it and then making it your own – open source recipes if you will. hope you love them as much as i do!

– hummus:

* 1.5 cups of dried chick peas (if gutless and using canned, just use one can of drained and rinsed peas)
* 1 tbsp olive oil
* 2 tbsp tahini
* 2 tbsp lemon juice (fresh if you can)
* 1 tbsp plain rice milk or plain soy yogurt
* 1 clove garlic (more if you’re a decent human being)
* 1 tsp tamari or braggs
* 1 tsp cumin
* 1/2 tsp paprika
* 1/2 tsp coriander (optional)
* 1/4 tsp onion powder (or roast a half+ of onion with the garlic!)
* 1/2 tbsp flax oil (optional)
* salt and pepper to taste (add this at the end!!!)

the night before, soak the chick peas in enough water to cover them by about an inch. when they are well hydrated, drain them and put them in a pot with fresh water – again, enough to cover them by about an inch. bring to a boil, reduce to a simmer, and cover for about an hour (add more water if necessary). once they are good ‘n soft, drain them (reserve the water to thin the hummus if you’d like). the next step is optional but is worth it if you have time and don’t mind washing another dish. put the clove(s) of garlic, the cumin, a bit of the salt, and the olive oil in a oven-worthy dish (i use a little metal bowl). make sure the cloves are covered with oil, cumin, and salt and roast at low temperature for as long as it takes. let it cook and slam all ingredients in the food processor until smooth. you can use more of the milk, a bit or water, or the reserved juice to thin it down. warm a pita in a skillet with some olive oil, cumin, and garlic salt and go to town. nice.

– lentils (thanks to ms. schaeffer for the hook up!)

* 1⁄2 cups green lentils, sorted and rinsed
* 3 cups water
* 3 cups veggie stock
* 1 onion, finely diced
* 2+ garlic cloves, finely diced (again, up the ante and go for about 3-4)
* 2 bay leaves
* 1 carrot, finely diced
* 1 celery rib, finely diced
* no more than 1 cup of whatever rice is lying around (wild is best)
* salt and freshly milled pepper
* 2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil, roasted walnut oil or butter
* red wine vinegar
* chopped parsley (optional, but nice if you have it lying around)

put the lentils in a soup pot, cover with water & veggie stock, and bring to a boil. watch for boil over (i.e. use a big pot). then add the onion, garlic, bay leaves, carrot, celery, rice, and 1 1⁄2 teaspoons salt. lower the heat and simmer until tender but still a little firm – they shouldn’t be mushy – about 25 min or until most of the water is cooked off. i leave it a little “stewlike” – it’ll thicken up more than you think. remove the bay leaves, taste for salt, and season with pepper (i add quite a bit more of both, but be careful not to add too much – you can always add more, but can’t take out what you’ve put in). stir in the oil and vinegar to taste to bring up the flavor. throw in some parsley and rock that goodness!

– quick spelt bread

* 3 cups of spelt flour
* 2 packets of organic yeast (1 packet of non-organic)
* 1/2 tsp of salt
* no more than 1 cup of whatever you want in the bread (i use a combination of quinoa, sunflower seeds, flax meal/seeds, walnuts, pumpkin seeds, steel cut oats, polenta, corn meal and almonds. be adventurous – we’ve put in seedweed, garlic, fresh dill, and fresh rosemary for a dinner bread)
* 1 3/4 cups of warm water (around 90 degrees)
* 1/4 cup of sweetener (i use a combination of agave nectar, maple syrup, and molasses)

preheat oven to 375 degrees. using butter (i use earth balance) and your fingers, grease a large loaf pan (the process will be a lot easier later if you do this now). combine water, sweetener, 2 cups of flour, and yeast in a bowl and mix until the flour and yeast are moistened (i recommend mixing the yeast and flour together before adding water – i also recommend using a 2 cup liquid measuring cup for the water and sweetener. that way you can dissolve the sweetener in the water before adding to the flour and yeast). cover with a towel and place in a warm location (next to a wood stove or on top of the oven). in the mean time, mix the remaining flour, the salt, and the various seeds, nuts, or whatever you’re adding in a large bowl. make sure you combine it all really well. when the yeast mixture has grown a bit and is smelling very “yeasty,” add it to the dry ingredients and combine well (don’t over mix though – it works all the CO2 the yeast has given off out of the dough). the dough will be very wet – don’t worry! pour into the loaf pan and spread evenly. i do a kind of dance with the pan – shaking it from side to side to even the dough out and then banging it on the counter to force any air pockets out. sprinkle some seeds and nuts on the top and pat down so that they’ll stick. pop in the oven for 45 minutes or until a tooth pick comes out clean. let it cool a bit and gorge. mosh.

– flax and oat raw crackers

* 4 cups oat groats (soaked for 48 hours)
* 1 cup flax seeds (soaked 4 hours)
* 3-5 cloves of garlic
* 1/4 cup fresh lemon juice
* 1/2 tsp salt
* 1/2 onion
* whatever flavor you’re into (cumin, chili powder, seaweed, whatever) to taste

so most of this recipe is tied up in soaking the oats & flax, as well as dehydrating the crackers. if you’ve got some down time, then go for it. if you’re busy, it might be a hassle. basically, when the oats & flax are soaked (they’ll be really gooey), combine the ingredients with them in a food processor with a little ass behind it and process them until they mixture is well blended (mine usually turns white-ish). on a cookie sheet covered with parchment paper (push down the corners!) or one of those fancy silicone mats ($19.99 at linens and things and well worth it if you’re doing a lot of dehydrating and don’t want to keep thowing out parchment paper) pour the mixture and spread evenly to a thickness of around a 1/4 inch. in an oven heated to 105 degrees (if it goes that low – mine goes to 170 so i use an in-oven thermometer and crack the door open far enough to drop it down to 105), dehydrate the mixture for 4-5 hours (yes – HOURS. i start mine 4-5 hours before i am going to bed). flip the crackers – best achieved by flipped the sheet over onto another piece of cookie sheet – and put break lines in them (so when they are finished you’ll be able to break them apart in uniform pieces). put back in the oven for another 4-5 hours (i go to bed and then flip them when i get up for work or to go to the bathroom). break them and love on the hummus with them.

try these and drop your variations in a comment. i’d love to hear how they work out and try new approaches.

walkie walkie talkie talkie

ehhh – yeah. well this last weekend i went to bloomington. i worked all week and then woke up on saturday to two inches of fresh snow and an hour drive ahead of me. i was planning to go to ari’s street medic training course but found myself laking motivation to commit. but i sucked i up and drove down with the understanding that i could turn around at any time without judging myself the lesser.

i got there about 45 minutes late, but right on time. everyone was late so i didn’t miss a thing. all and all, it was an awesome experience. sure it was 10 hours on saturday and sunday – all sitting in wooden chairs in a harmony classroom. i had to get over a couple things. first was my stereotypes of the punk culture. i have no problem with punk kids, just as i have no problem with any other scene. i just get a little hung up on how serious people take their persona in any scene. this is especially true for punk kids geeking out on protest street cred. there were more than enough “action” names thrown around with corresponding bandannas covering faces and radical jargon. i guess i would have probably felt the same at a FFA training with everyone trying to be the coolest farmer in the circle. but i managed to remember that i was there to learn and not judge people. it’s instinctual, but it still bothers me when i catch myself doing it (by the end we all dropped our efforts to impress – myself included – and i appreciated everyone there) second, i had to get over the whole fear of learning a new thing that i’m not immediately good with. there is a lot of memorizing involved with medicine. each illness or injury has a different set of symptoms and treatments. i think i took about 4o pages of handwritten notes and i plan on adding more. finally, i had to just get over being there for both of my days off. it sucks to go without a day of relaxing.

but i learned a heap and feel inspired to actually be a street medic. on sunday, we did some great role plays (with fake rubber bullets, padded batons, “pepper” spray, “tear” gas, and arresting officers) to put it all together. my running buddy and i sucked really hard. all of our protesters were pepper sprayed and then we were pepper sprayed while trying to help them. i have to say that i wanted to punch the teacher who were being the police. but i learned from my mistakes. another awesome result of the weekend was my comitment to get my CPR, wilderness first responder, and wilderness EMT certifications. it will be a serious investment of money, but i see it as valuable and there are more than enough courses available in norcal. i’d love to be able to handle any situation that comes to me.

i also got my kombucha up and running again thanks to bergs. it’s brewing away right now in the kitchen. i also heard an awesome band called catfish haven and found out that neil hamburger will be at rhino’s this coming sunday. i know that some people love neil, but i’m not quite sold so i don’t know if i’ll be there. until next time, boo yah.